How to secretly get your partner’s ring size [Expert tips]

When you’re trying to plan a surprise marriage proposal, it can be tricky to figure out how to secretly get your partner’s ring size. In this post, I’ll share expert tips on how to sneakily measure their ring size without ruining the surprise based on what I’ve seen in my experience as a marriage proposal planner.

In this article

Why it’s a good idea to secretly get their ring size

Expert tips to secretly get their ring size

How to measure their ring size

What to do if you’re unsure about ring size

Measure the actual ring before you propose

Conclusion

Why it’s a good idea to secretly get their ring size

Part of the fun of marriage proposal planning is the surprise – but it can also be part of the challenge. A marriage proposal should never be a surprise in and of itself. Your partner should ideally know you’re thinking of marriage and be on board with the whole idea of getting married to you. That said, the day itself? The ring? The way you propose? Completely fair game for surprises.

Now, let’s talk about the ring. One detail that can make or break your big moment is getting the ring size right. A ring that fits well is a reflection of your attention to detail and the effort you put into the proposal. And while your partner might not notice immediately that their new ring fits perfectly, they will certainly notice if it doesn’t (I can guarantee this from experience)! So, it’s best to get it right from the start. 

Looking for more tips on how to plan an amazing proposal? Check out our complete guide to marriage proposal planning in 2024.

Understanding ring sizes

Before we talk about how to secretly get their ring size, let’s take a minute to get on the same page and understand how ring sizes work. Ring sizes are typically measured using a numerical scale, which varies slightly between countries. In the US, ring sizes for women usually range from 3 to 9, while men's sizes typically range from 8 to 14, with half and quarter sizes available for a more precise fit. The UK uses an alphabetical system, while other countries may have their own methods. 

International sizes

Here's a quick reference for understanding different sizing systems:

• US: Numerical (e.g., Women's: 3, 6.5, 9; Men's: 8, 10.5, 12)

• UK: Alphabetical (e.g., Women's: L, N, P; Men's: Q, T, W)

• Europe: Numerical (different from the US) (e.g., Women's: 51, 54, 57; Men's: 61, 64, 67)

• Japan: Numerical (different from the US) (e.g., Women's: 10, 12, 14; Men's: 20, 22, 24)

Accuracy is important

Getting the right ring size is crucial not just from an emotional perspective, but also from a practical one. A ring that's too tight will be uncomfortable and difficult to put on and remove. A ring that’s too loose? You risk it falling off and getting lost – precisely not what you want to worry about during your proposal day or in the weeks following as your partner shows their beautiful new ring to friends and family. Getting a perfect fit demonstrates your thoughtfulness and attention to detail, but it is also just plain necessary.

Expert tips to secretly get their ring size

1. Borrow a ring

One of the simplest ways to secretly get your partner’s ring size is to borrow a ring they already wear. Ideally, it would be one they wear on their ring finger, but if that’s not an option, a measurement of a ring they wear on another finger still gives you a solid starting point. Here’s how:

• Time it right. Wait until they remove their ring, perhaps when they’re washing their hands, showering, or sleeping.

• Deploy your stealth skills. Borrow the ring and take the measurement with a ring measurement method. If you happen to have extra time – for instance, if they went on a trip and left their ring at home – you could even take it to a jeweler for sizing.

• Return it promptly. Be sure to put the ring back quickly and subtly to avoid suspicion. And don’t forget to return it exactly where you found it!

2. Get help from friends or family

Involving a trusted friend or family member can be very effective to secretly get your partner’s ring size. Here are some ways they can help:

• Have a friend invite your partner on a shopping trip and spontaneously try on rings – even if it’s costume jewelry, it’ll give you a good idea of their size.

• Have a family member pretend they want to look at rings for an upcoming engagement of their own and let that lead to a ring try-on session.

• Parents can be great resources for getting ring size intel, especially if they’ve bought your partner jewelry in the past.

• Pro tip – make sure the friend or family member relays the information back to you without raising any red flags. (No accidentally texting your group chat!)

• For more tips on how to involve friends and family in an amazing proposal, check out our blog post, How to propose to my girlfriend: 10 foolproof steps.

3. Casual conversations and compliments

Subtly bringing up the topic can work like a charm, but this is where you have to know your partner. Will they get suspicious? Then it’s probably best to go another route. On the other hand, if you’re a smooth operator, I say go for it.

Compliment their hands. Mention how elegant their fingers are – or their manicure – and let that take you into a conversation about ring sizes.

Discuss friends’ rings. Talk about a friend's engagement ring and ask your partner what they think of it. This can lead naturally to discussing their own ring preferences and size.

4. Take a shopping trip

A low-key shopping trip can be the perfect way to secretly get their ring size. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Have a cover story. If you’re not much of a shopper, you’re going to need a reason to go shopping in the first place. Is there a gift you need to buy a friend or relative? A restaurant you want to try that just so happens to be in your nearest mall? If needed, use a cover story so your partner isn’t tipped off from the start. 

2. Do some window shopping. Suggest browsing in a jewelry store to see what styles they like.

3. Try on rings. Encourage them to try on different rings "just for fun" to get a sense of their size. If it’s a store that accommodates both of you, you could even do it together as a fun date activity.

How to measure their ring size

Once you’ve come up with a way to get your partner’s ring size without them knowing, you’ll need to use a method that guarantees an accurate measurement. You can do this in one of two ways: 1) Measure their finger or 2) Measure a ring they already own. 

Finger measurement method

Use a ring sizer tool. To get your partner’s finger size, find a ring sizer tool or chart. Many jewelers and online stores provide ring size charts you can print at home for free, or you can even have a ring sizer mailed to you. Here is a ring sizer that includes larger sizes. Make sure to follow the instructions carefully for accuracy, as measuring a finger size can be trickier than it looks.

Use a string. Another method is to measure their finger with string. For this approach, all you need is string or floss, a pen, and a ruler or measuring tape. Gently wrap the string around the finger and mark the point it comes together with a pen. Then, lie the string flat alongside a measuring tape or ruler. 

Ring measurement method

Measure the ring yourself. To get an accurate measurement of a ring, consider buying a digital caliper measuring tool. While this method requires a small investment, it provides precise measurements and can be reused for future needs.

Have a jeweler measure the ring. For the most accurate measurement guarantee, get assistance from a jeweler – they can be invaluable allies in your quest to secretly get your partner’s ring size, and having a professional touch can make a big difference in your overall marriage proposal planning journey. Take one of your partner’s existing rings (ideally one they wear on their ring finger) to a jeweler to have it sized. Alternatively, if there’s a ring they wear often that doesn’t fit well, offer to take your partner to a jeweler to have it properly sized. 

What to do if you’re unsure about ring size

Consider an adjustable ring

If you’ve tried these methods but are still unsure about your ability to stealthily get their exact ring size, consider an adjustable engagement ring. Adjustable rings are versatile and can fit a range of finger sizes. Plus, many styles are available that have the same elegance and charm of a typical engagement ring.

Buy a ring size adjuster

Purchasing a ring size adjuster or ring guard to have on hand for the proposal day can be a wise move. If the ring is too small, the guard can temporarily adjust the fit, which will allow your partner to wear it comfortably until you can have it professionally resized.

Know the average engagement ring size

If you’re still unsure, you can try estimating your partner’s size based on popular ring sizes. The average ring size for women is 6 and for men is 10. 

As a rule of thumb, you should purchase a larger ring. It’s much easier to size a ring down than it is to make a ring larger.

Explore free resizing services

If you want to be extra prudent, look for jewelers that offer free resizing. That way, if mistakes are made on your part or the jeweler’s part, you’ll be able to get the ring adjusted after the fact at no extra cost.

• Check the policy. Make sure your jeweler provides free resizing services within a certain period after purchase.

• Find the right jeweler. Research jewelers and read reviews to find those with good resizing policies.

Measure the actual ring before you propose

As a final step before you pop the question, measure your ring. Even if you’ve designed a custom ring with a jeweler, it never hurts to double check their work, as I’ve seen instances where the final ring is made in the incorrect size. If you measure on your own and catch the mistake early, you’ll have enough time to ask your jeweler to resize it before you propose. 

Psst – to make sure you capture the perfect surprise moment, read our ultimate guide to hiring a surprise proposal photographer.

Conclusion

While you’ll need to deploy a bit of ingenuity and planning to secretly get your partner’s ring size, it's entirely possible with the right approach. From borrowing a ring to enlisting the help of friends and family, these expert tips will help you find the perfect fit without giving away the surprise.

Remember, a well-fitting ring is a testament to your thoughtfulness and the effort you put into making your proposal unforgettable. For more tips and comprehensive advice on planning an amazing proposal, check out our complete guide to marriage proposal planning in 2024.

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